Thinking all this time that I was all right, I recently realized that I actually was not! I believe this was the hardest step I’ve taken. Throughout my life, I always knew there was something that I could just not shake. It was as if I’ve always had a monkey on my back. Now I know that my pain has affected me and my family throughout my life! My pain has been passed on to others, especially my kids – this brings tears to my eyes. It also has taught me that I must dig deep down inside and battle the fear that has held me back all these years! Realizing this battle was happening long before I was even here on earth, it gives me the strength to put to rest all of those generations of heartache!
You see our parents and grandparents were battling pain long before the pain became ours! It is an unfortunate circumstance that affects every child born. It is impossible to not feel the circumstances from those before us.
Think about your own story. Do you think your story has affected others in any way? Are you an overprotective parent? Are you an easily offended person? Do your insecurities hold you back from living your best life?
I actually feel honored to be one of the ones to defeat it! …with the help of my kids of course! The support that my husband and kids have given me is all the reassurance I need, and God too, of course!
As I wrote down all the memories that have caused me a lifetime of heartache, and then I wrote how God was the most important part of my life at that time, it filled me with so much gratitude!
I believe 100% it was God who carried me through every bit of pain I have been through.
Most people go through life being taught who God is. Yes, when I was a child, I was baptized and made my first communion. After that, I did not have anyone that brought me to know who God is. Throughout my youth and adolescent years, God‘s presence in my life was all because of him! When I needed God the most, he was always right there with me.
Writing on paper about those experiences I had with God make me feel empowered! Throughout my weekly studies of Havilah’s book, she compares the story of Joseph to the pain we have experienced. Throughout all the horrible events that Joseph went through, his faith always remained strong and true. He was able to find purpose in his pain by relying on his faith.
Everyone needs to realize that pain has meaning and can be used for the greater good – yes, one’s pain has a purpose! It also helps you overcome fear! Having clarity helps to see the truth!I believe with my whole heart that God brought Havilah’s words into my life to give me clarity and to see my pain as a purpose to serve the greater good. Also, I believe that if I didn’t do this Bible study or pain ‘inventory’ publicly on my blog, I would never have finished it!
It doesn’t help that I am not a book reader. In fact, this is probably the fifth book I have ever read in completion in my life! But that is not why I am having a hard time finishing this book. There were days I walked past this book and thought, ‘God how am I going to finish this?
Guess what – It was because I now saw my pain – I wrote it down on paper; I now truly felt my pain and understood on a deep level how it affected me throughout my life – this realization just overwhelmed me for a while.
So, it just became a necessity for me to learn how to climb out of this dark hole of pain and take real steps to change – to learn finally how to deal with my pain. I know it hasn’t been easy, and it won’t be easy to finish – I need to practice daily – no matter what!
One final note: I am really amazed at how many people share this pain and fear. I feel grateful and honored for those who shared their personal stories with me. I hope by my being committed to this pain study, it will help you too.
My prayer for everyone who has a hard story: I pray that one day we all wake up and feel the sunshine on our faces like never before! I pray that God gives us the strength to comfort our pain, to use it for the greater good, and to find the courage to outright forbid any fear!
I pray that we rejoice in his love and live in happiness ~ Amen
I can’t thank you enough Havilah, You truly are a gift from God!
Did you know your pain actually affects your total body, not just your mind and heart? In the coming weeks, I will share information from professionals that can break down how our pain affects the health of our body!
Read my previous blog posts on my spiritual journey